Why not just say “socializing” or “making friends”? Instead,
they almost always use that word: socialization. It has two distinct, though
related, meanings. The first is “the activity of mixing socially with others.” I
want to believe that’s what people mean. But if so, why not just say it? Why the
big word?
Maybe it’s the second meaning that’s really at play: “The process of
learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.” (Oxford Languages)
I’ve long suspected that what people really mean is this: “If your kids don’t go
to school and mix with other kids, they’ll turn out weird.”
So let’s put that on
the table. Most of us in the unschooling world value uniqueness. As long as
someone isn’t hurting anyone, we don’t worry much about whether our kids speak,
dress, or act in ways that are “acceptable to society.”
We also know what high
school social norms often look like: cliques, bullying, peer pressure. These are
the behaviors that are apparently acceptable to society.
Unschoolers often learn
a different way of being with others. They tend to mix more naturally across age
groups—from toddlers to elders. They’re often more open to people who are
different. They speak up in social situations, because no one’s told them not
to. In my experience, unschooled kids are more, not less, socially adept.
So
what’s the real concern? Unschooling parents work hard to keep their kids
connected. It takes effort—scheduling, driving, organizing. Sometimes we fall
short. I’ve heard grown unschoolers say that, while they loved their learning
life, they wish they’d had more time with peers. That’s a real trade-off. So
I’ll lay down my sword for a moment and say this: I wish I’d helped my three
kids spend more time with other kids. But I couldn't be prouder of how they
turned out.
